Extracurriculars
Top Law Firms Announce No Bonuses For 2015, “Work Reward Enough”

Top Law Firms Announce No Bonuses For 2015, “Work Reward Enough”

New York, NY. In a surprising turn of events, multiple top law firms have announced they will not be paying the year-end associate bonuses. Though only five firms…

Above the Law Publishes Another Exposé of Law Firm You’ve Never Heard Of

Above the Law Publishes Another Exposé of Law Firm You’ve Never Heard Of

New York, NY. While the lead-in text claimed an Above the Law article would provide an “unbelievable look” at the “crazy practices” of a “top” law firm, readers confirmed…

Class

1L Not Arguing Exams Comparable To Life As Refugee, But Not Denying It Either

1L Not Arguing Exams Comparable To Life As Refugee, But Not Denying It Either

Princeton, NJ. As first year law students begin their second week of final exams, Andrew…

Tax Lawyer Dreading April 16th Return to Normalcy

Tax Lawyer Dreading April 16th Return to Normalcy

Princeton, NJ. Andrew Miller, a Princeton Law tax lawyer specializing in international tax policy, expressed…

Professor Who Led IP Litigation Practice Unable to Figure Out PowerPoint

Professor Who Led IP Litigation Practice Unable to Figure Out PowerPoint

Princeton, NJ. Melissa Style, the former practice leader of a top firm’s IP group, has…

Law Professors Can’t Wait to End Grueling 4-Hour Work Weeks

Law Professors Can’t Wait to End Grueling 4-Hour Work Weeks

Princeton, NJ. Barry Andrews, a Contracts professor at Princeton Law School, confirms that “[professors] can’t…

Procrastinate:

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Breaking News

In Honor of #TBT, Supreme Court Just Reuses Old Opinion

Justice Thomas Just Devoted Fan of 4'33"

Law Student Excited for Another Year of Law School, More Crushing Debt

Supreme Court Shrinks Size of Opinion, Now Just Sending Tweets

Dorm

NYU Law Student Hikes Graduation Ticket Price By 5000%

NYU Law Student Hikes Graduation Ticket Price By 5000%

New York, NY. One enterprising young NYU Law student, Martina Scolnit, has decided to get an early start on her student loan debt by re-selling her graduation tickets.…

1L Surviving Solely Off Of Free Westlaw/Barbri/Lexis/Bloomberg Candy

1L Surviving Solely Off Of Free Westlaw/Barbri/Lexis/Bloomberg Candy

Princeton, NJ. Reports have confirmed that Princeton Law 1L, James Stone, has consumed only free table candy for the past week.   “It’s just so convenient,” explained Stone.…

Outside World

Jews Everywhere Struggling To Remember If Tonight Fifth or Sixth Night of Chanukah

Jews Everywhere Struggling To Remember If Tonight Fifth or Sixth Night of Chanukah

New York, NY. As millions of Jews around the world begin preparations to celebrate Chanukah, many celebrants confessed to confusion over exactly…

Nicolas Cage Supports Trump, Reveals True Constitution Only Offers Protection For “Jesus-Based” Religions

Nicolas Cage Supports Trump, Reveals True Constitution Only Offers Protection For “Jesus-Based” Religions

Washington, D.C. After receiving criticism for recent comments calling to bar Muslim immigrants, Trump received unexpected help from famed actor, Nicolas…