Princeton, NJ. Reports have confirmed that Princeton Law 1L, James Stone, has consumed only free table candy for the past week.
“It’s just so convenient,” explained Stone. “I’m slowly beginning to spend more and more time in the library, and every time I grab a Snickers, that’ll last me through 2 or 3 more cases, easy.”
Stone’s slow descent into a borderline-diabetic diet began halfway through October, when Stone realized that Lexis points were mostly worthless and he began to turn his attention to what else the table might offer. Free candy that ranged from the coveted fun-size Hershey bars to the less-sought after Dum-Dums, quickly became Stone’s refuge.
Further remarks by Stone were abruptly cut off when an email filter alerted him to the possibility of free donut holes in the student lounge.