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Trump Appoints Women’s Climax Change Denier to Lead HHS

Trump Appoints Women’s Climax Change Denier to Lead HHS

Washington, DC. In another unexpected move to establish his new administration, President-elect Donald Trump has officially appointed Smith Williamson XI the new head of the Department of Health and Human Services. Williamson, who gained notoriety for his controversial position denying the existence of women’s climax change, has already…

Jews Everywhere Struggling To Remember If Tonight Fifth or Sixth Night of Chanukah

Jews Everywhere Struggling To Remember If Tonight Fifth or Sixth Night of Chanukah

New York, NY. As millions of Jews around the world begin preparations to celebrate Chanukah, many celebrants confessed to confusion over exactly which night of celebration it is.   “I was laying out the candles when, suddenly, I couldn’t remember what night it was! Honestly, the days just all…

Nicolas Cage Supports Trump, Reveals True Constitution Only Offers Protection For “Jesus-Based” Religions

Nicolas Cage Supports Trump, Reveals True Constitution Only Offers Protection For “Jesus-Based” Religions

Washington, D.C. After receiving criticism for recent comments calling to bar Muslim immigrants, Trump received unexpected help from famed actor, Nicolas Cage.   “I’ve heard Trump called everything from “xenophobe” to “idiotic bigot”, but based on my new evidence, Trump should actually be viewed as a preeminent constitutional…

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade as Envisioned by Famous Authors

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade as Envisioned by Famous Authors

Kafka: The parade was canceled. They didn’t tell us why. The crowd still stands there, huddled under blankets…

After Horrifying Global Tragedies, Browns Fans Relieved To Encounter Normal, Mundane Disappointments

After Horrifying Global Tragedies, Browns Fans Relieved To Encounter Normal, Mundane Disappointments

CLEVELAND. After a grueling week that saw the loss of thousands of lives worldwide, Browns fans were pleased…

Mets Confirm World Series Loss Due to You, Personally

Mets Confirm World Series Loss Due to You, Personally

New York, NY. After losing the World Series in only five games, the Mets held a formal press…

Nation Struggling To Feign Surprise At Latest Justice System Failure

Nation Struggling To Feign Surprise At Latest Justice System Failure

DETROIT, MI. After nearly two consecutive hours with no reported human rights violations in the United States, news…

U.S. Hoping If It Just Stays Quiet Long Enough, Syrian Refugees Will Go To Country Next Door

U.S. Hoping If It Just Stays Quiet Long Enough, Syrian Refugees Will Go To Country Next Door

Washington, D.C. In a recent press conference that opened by asking reporters “to please keep their voices down,”…

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