Washington, D.C. After a contentious meeting on the hill, Trump has reportedly angered the highest levels of all branches of government by accidentally revealing their secret Article XII powers.
“Oh come on. We’ve managed to keep Article XII hidden for over two hundred years and this clown blows it a few months into his candidacy?” Obama supposedly exclaimed to high level advisers in a closed door meeting earlier today. “How are we supposed to protect our right to laser dolphins now?”
“I’m not sure why we’ve hidden the Article XII powers as long as we have,” argued Justice Alito, proudly sporting his Article XII-mandated Snuggie, previously hidden by robes. “I find this Snuggie both exceptionally comfortable and exceptionally stylish. It’s what the Founders intended.”
Ultimately, the reveal has only exacerbated the current rift between Senate Republicans and the GOP nominee. “I mean, we purposely only made Articles I-VIII public. No one would’ve even guessed that we jumped straight to Article XII afterwards if Mr. Terrific over there didn’t divulge the whole thing,” sighed Rep. Mark Sanford.