Jews Everywhere Struggling To Remember If Tonight Fifth or Sixth Night of Chanukah

New York, NY. As millions of Jews around the world begin preparations to celebrate Chanukah, many celebrants confessed to confusion over exactly which night of celebration it is.


“I was laying out the candles when, suddenly, I couldn’t remember what night it was! Honestly, the days just all start blurring together after the third night,” clarified one local resident. “I tried counting forward from when I thought Chanukah began but I can’t remember if it began on Sunday or on Monday. Or maybe it started on Saturday? I think the Christians are onto something with this whole ‘one-night celebration’ thing they’ve got.”


“I tried calculating the day based on how many Chanukah candles were left in the box,” explained another Jewish resident to a Burden of Persuasion reporter. “But then I remembered I accidentally used one candle when the power went out in October. And I think I used another when I realized I was missing a birthday candle for my son Daniel’s cake. I’ve just got no clue at this point.”


This serves as the latest complaint over the annual holiday in addition to prior complaints: that the nickname “The Festival of Lights” is actually shared with the Hindu holiday, Diwali, and that nobody even knows how to Ch/Hannukah to begin with.

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