Nicolas Cage Supports Trump, Reveals True Constitution Only Offers Protection For “Jesus-Based” Religions

Washington, D.C. After receiving criticism for recent comments calling to bar Muslim immigrants, Trump received unexpected help from famed actor, Nicolas Cage.


“I’ve heard Trump called everything from “xenophobe” to “idiotic bigot”, but based on my new evidence, Trump should actually be viewed as a preeminent constitutional scholar,” explained Cage. “Last night I took the liberty of breaking into the National Archives (I mean, at this point, I’m on a first name basis with security). When I shone a UV-A light on the document, it revealed a crucial asterisk indicating that all religious freedoms mentioned in the constitution were only applicable to Jesus-based religions.


“Frankly, given this new finding I’m not sure that we should be letting in Buddhists, Agnostics, or even Jews,” concluded Cage.


Cage’s announcement comes as a shock to many, though Americans across the country agreed that Cage’s new discovery made as much sense as the fact that anyone in the United States could possibly consider voting for Trump.

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